Being self-aware can be both a gift and a curse. On one end, it keeps me humble and respectful as an artist and writer. I know there are better writers, but they aren’t telling my story. On the other end, I’m ALWAYS in my head when it comes to the creative process. I doubt myself at every turn, even to the point where the blinking cursor and I end up having a staring contest. This along with slow and measured in my writing has allowed me to become my own worst critic.
This is even more true with my thesis. I find myself going back and forth between forcing myself to type out some words and flooding the pages without a concept of time. I second guess myself as I try to make my first act flow into my second without sacrificing my well thought-out plan. Am I setting the scene correctly? Is the mood for the scene right? Are my characters too different? Or not different enough? Does the dialogue come off authentic? Or too slang-heavy? Is the screenplay more show than tell? Are the dialogue and action balancing out? Do I have too many characters? Or not enough? This struggle has been plaguing me since I decided to make screenwriting my career choice. It can be tiring and overwhelming at times especially with my anxiety issues. But the task is of my own making so I have to be up for the challenge.
My self-awareness has played into my ability to edit in addition to writing. For me, I edit my work as I go along. I feel it helps me to create a better piece. I’ve noticed over the past week or so that I think of different ways to improve upon my previous scenes and dialogue. Some scenes have worked out for the better as I fleshed them out and added one or two. The dialogue is definitely getting sharper and snapper as I write for these characters more and more. There’s nothing like dripping sarcastic or dramatic wordplay to get my writing muscles going. I hope to harness my self-awareness more in that way in the coming weeks and months. My thesis journey is going to be a great yet scary ride for me (and my anxiety).
Come back next week for more on my journey to creating my Master’s thesis.
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