Writing for Paste Magazine this week was a mixed bag. I found myself sitting in the black chair creating content that I was proud of this week. I found myself still making the same rookie mistakes I thought I was over. I got checked by my editor which was a wake-up call for me if I want to pursue freelance writing as a career. I was proud of myself for churning out some decent content without much trepidation. There’s still no word on my next feature piece yet so come back to this spot when it arrives.
Self-sabotage and professionalism reared their ugly heads this week at the Paste office. To get you up to speed, I have been tackling this two-headed monster since high school. This issue always seems to come up every time I get close to some achievement or earn someone’s praise. I did it when it came to entering art contests and good job opportunities. I seemed to be doing it now as I enter the last stretch of this internship. I recognized what it was when I got called out for my unprofessionalism for an unfulfilled pitch. Just a while earlier, I was praised for doing a great job in a previous article. I felt like I was once again messing up a good thing. Over the years, I have done my best to keep myself from doubting any and every opportunity that comes my way. Being a pessimist hasn’t helped the situation either. I have to get better at pushing all the negativity and darkness to the side for a more fruitful and exciting future. I know with time this will happen.